SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
