Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
smell my finger.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
