I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
