Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
