I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
