Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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