Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my liver is dry heaving
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
