Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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