Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
