We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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