she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
