so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
