Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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