having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
