Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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