It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
