Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
