nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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