The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
