Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
