I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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