We won't sleep together?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
