The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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