I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
