fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
