'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
