I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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