ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
