so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
