I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
