I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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