Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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