i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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