the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
