it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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