and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
