He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
