when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
