I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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