I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
