So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
