What did we do last night that was yellow?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
