3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
