Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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