i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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