So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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