I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
