did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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