Little spoons don't ask big questions
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
