If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
