I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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