ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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