talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
