Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
