Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
