You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
