If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
