when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
