Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
