I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
