who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize