i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
