There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
